You Gotta See It For What It Is
None of us like the feeling of grief that comes along with the ending of a relationship.
Relationships end for a number of reasons, the most difficult ending of a relationship is when you find out the person you thought you knew isn’t who they portrayed to be.
Right now I am going through the process of grief due to the ending of a relationship with someone I really wanted it to work out with. I’m grieving, not so much over the person, but I am tired of the same story over and over again.
I’ve finally learned the lesson God has been trying to teach me for the last decade. Don’t take ten years to realize your lesson. But, if it has taken you ten years or longer to learn your lesson, there is STILL hope of getting it right.
When things don’t ever seem to go right in an area of our lives, it’s time to question ourselves. We aren’t doing something right, we are ignoring the voice of the Lord most likely.
The truth is, if we don’t follow God’s instruction for our lives, we can guarantee heartbreak, it won’t go right at all.
It may be okay for a little while, but it won’t last. No matter what it is, a job, a relationship, a business, a house, a car etc. Whatever it is, if it’s not His will for you and you proclaim Him as Lord over your life, it won’t work.
We have to see it for what it is.
God gives us grace and favor in our lives, when He blesses us with something or someone, it should not be stressful at all. If you feel as if it’s taking too much work to hold it together, I guarantee you God isn’t in it. God is the glue, He holds things together. Don’t misunderstand me, there is still work to be done, but all of the work isn’t on you. There is a grace God provides when He blesses us with something or someone.
This last encounter took me for a ride I never want to experience again in my life. It will never work with he and I, because he does not know how to be there for me in rough times, he only knows how to expect me to be front and center when he needs a shoulder. He is also a lying wonder with more secrets than I can count.
Some people only know how to be the recipient of care and compassion, they don’t know how to give it. They may know how to give care and compassion, but they just don’t choose to give it to you when you need it.
What’s so dysfunctional about a connection like this, is when you point out how one sided the relationship is, the other party responds to you as if they’re the victim of your constant complaining.
How can I continually be there for you during your difficult times, but when I need you you’re missing in action?
Some people expect you to be strong at all times. If you’re not going through as often as they are, they seem to believe your life is “better” or perfect and you’re exempt from or immune to adversity. They assume because you help them so much, “going through” is nothing to you. I don’t understand why some people expect us to be there for them in the storms of their lives, yet when we go through they’re a no show.
These are the people who don’t deserve to be in our lives, that’s the bottom line.
It’s time to live by the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you”.
If you’re anything like me, walking away from a person who desperately needs your help is really hard. It’s hard because you wouldn’t want to be left alone while in need, but you have to make the difficult decision of saying goodbye, because you’re always going to be the one who is left depleted.
If the person you are always there for is never present when it’s your turn to be in need, they’re using you. It’s so hard to admit when you’re being used.
I was just used and it made me feel like a fool. I thank God for a sister and a best friend who never judged me when I finally realized that I was used, and came clean to them.
I was so ashamed, I would not even tell them verbally how much I helped the individual. Initially, I would only text it . Hearing myself say all that I had done really made me feel stupid, but hey there is a first time for everything. At the time I did not think I was being used, because the individual was really in need, but I will say I went above and beyond. I remember the first time I felt as if I was being used, I ignored it and refused to believe he would do that to me. I was also afraid to admit to myself that I allowed it, I played a part in it. I said to myself I am not desperate, I would NEVER allow anyone to use me. It was true, I was not desperate at all, but I was not wise either, I ignored the red flags.
Shame will hold you hostage and isolate you from the people God wants to use to help you. My shame almost had me going crazy on the inside. I had to share what I was going through with the people who have a great track record of intimate trust with me.
Once you’ve identified you’ve been used, it’s time to end the relationship. The using won’t stop if you don’t end it, it’ll only get worse. A user is never satisfied, you can give them the moon and they’ll find a way to need the stars as well.
Some people have a track record of hurting and using those they claim to love. If we do a little research on people we claim as friends, it won’t take us long to find out what type of person they really are. We need to do a full investigation on the people we allow in our lives.
If you allow yourself the space to listen to your natural intuition about people early on in relationships, you would spare yourself heartache in the future.
I want us to use wisdom it ALL times when choosing who will be in our space, romantic or platonic, it REALLY matters a great deal.
A platonic relationship can break your heart as well. Especially if you’ve trusted them with intimate information about your life.
We need to pray about everything and everyone.
Ask God to show you the places in your heart where you are vulnerable and prone to being used. Ask God to show you the intent of the person who’s trying to get to know you.
Case search them!
Yes I said it, case search them! Do a REAL background check in each state they’ve lived in. It’s free!
Believe me, you won’t regret it. If I would have done a thorough investigation on my most recent encounter, it would not have gone beyond our first meet up.
I don’t regret what took place, although it was an avoidable storm.
Due to my experience I now know a user from 100 miles away, and I am well able to help you identify one.
When we ask God to show us what’s in us and what the intents are of the people who are around us, we have to listen and respond accordingly. What He shows us about ourselves and others may shock us.
We should not wait until the pain has already occurred to go to God in prayer, we have to start off in prayer. I thought I knew better, but I didn’t.
In my case, I asked God to show me who I am in relationships. He showed me that I was a giver, I didn’t have an issue with compromise and I am a pleaser. My response was, wow I will make a good wife and immediately the thought came, “not everybody deserves these qualities”.
God showed me how vulnerable I was in each quality that he told me I had. God also showed me how I compromised my intellect for a guy about three years ago, it was an epic fail.
It’s hard to see the truth about yourself, but it’s necessary. It’s great that I have these qualities in relationships, BUT I need godly wisdom and balance in these qualities. We have to be honest with ourselves and we have to be very careful with our hearts.
I want us to begin to pray and ask God to show us who we are in the relationships that we have with the people in our lives. I know it’s scary, the truth is always scary at first, but you’ll be grateful later. We have to pray every step of the way and when we find out the facts, we have to respond accordingly.
If you have been used by someone, romantic or platonic, forgive them, don’t hold yourself hostage being bitter. It’s alright to be angry, but don’t allow it to harbor in your heart. Forgiving them does not mean you have to reconcile a relationship with them, it means you can move past what happened and receive what’s coming.
I love you guys and I am praying for us!
